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My heart is bursting

I've come here many times to pen down my thoughts only to stare at an empty page. Often I have this urgent need to write. But I end up just putting my ideas away in some `compartment' till my heart bursts to let it out.

Today I'd like to let something out.

A school friend of mine passed away recently at the age of 47. We met when we were 16 and dated for a while. At school. Anyway, he became a pilot, got married, twice, and sadly met with an early death. At first I wasn't particularly sad when I learnt about his passing as much as I was shocked, but after a few days, some sort of sadness did seep in slowly. Maybe it was more of me reflecting. On how short life is and that death is inevitable. I can't deny that I did go back and reminisce the past. Of a part of me who was just about to learn how to `be with someone'. It was an awkward time and maybe sweet too haha. Ok, am not gonna go there..

As I was saying, it got me thinking about death, about living, about how I was living this life. Would I have enough time to repent? To see my daughter grow up and start her own life? To grow old with my husband? To finally publish a book? Life is so fleeting that the next thing you know you don't have much time left. Or in this case that I'm referring to, you leave this earth in the middle of a time where your kids are still young and your dreams probably unfulfilled.

I'd like to slow down and savour this life. Cherish time with my daughter who's growing up really fast and questioning why I keep saying no to her. (I don't say no all the time!) I'd still like to read so many more books, write that epic love story, lose weight and travel. Yet all I can do at this point is take one day at a time and do as much as I can within my capacity. I don't want to stress myself out even if I am a big worrier. 

I pray we all get to die peacefully in husnol khotimah, that we get to repent. That we get to do stuff. Exciting stuff or just ordinary stuff with those we love. I pray we all get to heaven and meet there.

Till another post.

XOXO


ps/ this is my first real post this year! 





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