Musings

Currently in a city in the east coast attending an engagement and a wedding -of the same person. Since we got here it has been raining continuously; something which is common this time of the year. So it looks pretty gloomy -like winter minus the freezing cold air.. But still the rain has not dampened the mood of the guests who have come to celebrate/ support the joyous occasion. I suppose it is a pretty significant date to choose to be married on the 1st day of the year. New year, new beginnings. New life. Yet in actual fact you can make ANY day significant. You can start anew at any given date. There shouldn't be a reason to wait, really. Cuz you and I know we may not have much time left on this earth of ours. At 35 years old, after 19 years of smoking, someone dear to me finally decided to quit smoking. It's been over a month and he's still going strong. (God, please let him quit for good..) After 10 years of a childless marriage, a couple I know decided just yesterday ...

Am sipping latte at the level 2 food court of klcc. Arrived here just before the crowd pulled in. My quiet breakfast is no more. Apart from me there are others too who are also eating alone.. I'm ok with that.. there are times when you should be alone without company. Lets you gather your thoughts better I guess.. Ok, clearly I'm bored- waiting for a friend.. And now I have to go clean my tudung after spilling my food just now as I was attending to my mobile facebook.. :p

I just met him. LOL. Some students told me about it once but only today out of sheer boredom I came across it on you tube and decided to watch it. Only saw the one vid with the Jalapeno.. made me laugh and thus clear away some blues of mine. Why am I blue? Can't answer that cuz I don't know.. (i think..) Ever watched `Legends of The Fall'? Brad Pitt was in it (*sigh..) He played one of the sons of Anthony Hopkins.. Falls in love with the same girl his brothers do too - Susannah. She gets engaged to one of them (not him) who gets killed in the war. So with him out of the picture she eventually falls into Tristan's arms (Brad Pitt)- the favourite son, after the fiance's death. To add to the drama, being the `free spirit' of the family, Tristan decides to go on a journey and goes away leaving Susannah behind for a long time.. So she ends up marrying the other remaining brother, while still pining for Tristan.. To cut a long story short.. Tristan returns from his lo...

You never really forget things at all sometimes. What happens is just that you push a memory away from you, bury it somewhere you wish you'd never find again and then one day, bam! It hits you from nowhere and things come flushing in. You can't stop it. You suddenly remember. And then you realize that you've never really forgotten. The memory has just been dormant and shrunk into size. But it's still there. A shrunken memory..

Two days ago I attended the most anticipated event of the month. My secondary school reunion! From 100 students or so in our batch, around 40 plus of us made it. Not bad.. If you refer to a previous post, I did not manage to lose much weight before the event.. (Only about 1 kilo).. Plus that was the day I was having skin `issues'.. after trying to get rid of some spots a few days before, they remained on my cheek till that night :p Aside from that, I did not regret going at all. Even though I did not remember half of the boys.. oops men, (and one or 2 girls) who came. Even though at one point it felt like school days once more when each gender shied away from the other. Even though I could not eat much as I suddenly got all flustered and giddy trying to talk to everyone at once. Even though I did not get to speak to every one of them. Even though I felt upset when some didn't remember me - their own classmate/ homeroomate! You'd think everyone would have changed.. well, no...

Two piles I am aiming to finish this holiday. Only one pile is being given attention.. It's obvious which one I think :) Can't get rid of the habit of buying books when one isn't even finished.. I think among the pile is about 4 books I've started on but not finished reading.. The other pile.. well, I did start on it - BEFORE the hols.. and that was it. Will start on it again very very soon.. ;) But this one I must always make sure I find time to read too. Because sometimes I forget.. Knowing very well that it is the ultimate guide to one's life.. Allah forgive me.. Sebagaimana riwayat Abu Umamah yang maksudnya: “Aku pernah mendengar Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam bersabda: “Bacalah oleh kamu al-Qur’an, sesungguhnya (al-Qur’an) itu datang pada hari qiamat menjadi syafaat kepada pembacanya.” (Hadis riwayat Muslim) I hope that it's not because I am `free' this holiday that I will be giving time to reading the Quran but that it will be a common...

January 2009 was when this blog first came to be. I wanted to try and see what it was all about - wrote about it in my first entry. Was just reading my previous posts of last year and I think it mostly was a little emotional ;) Many big things happened anyway so I guess that was inevitable. I was not into `advertising' my blog too so that meant.. out of the 20 posts I wrote there were like 5 comments altogether I think.. It's ok, the writing part for me was more important than getting the responses. (plus only one or 2 people knew about it..) 2010 = 44 posts so far.. and almost every month.. and more than once in a month too! And a number of comments = like! I think it's because I now understand how blogs are like - after reading several blogs which inspire and fascinate me. Writing is not a problem still, getting the responses is a bonus and now, exchanging knowledge and learning from what you write and read is the most valuable part.. So bloggers, let's continue doing...

After a recent outstation trip to hubby's hometown I think I have returned with a little extra fat on me. Feel `lumpy' and heavy.. yucks ;p Why is it that holidays always does that to people? You get together and buy food (you can't find where you're staying), you gather round the table and chat, laugh and eat and eat and eat.. Somehow food tastes hundred times better when you're eating it with company. Good company. Not only that, it's hard to say no when people start cooking for you and presenting you with all sorts of food.. and that's only breakfast! Oh well.. to the gym I must head - more than usual.. This worry I have on me now is also cuz I have a secondary school reunion to attend in about 3 days! Help! Ok, am not really bothered about looking `wider' than I was say..20 years ago - the duration of time I have not seen most of those people.., but also cuz despite my shortcomings I will be bringing with me - married but with no children.. I just ba...

I think I'm one of those people who rarely get sick, praise be to Allah for that. Yet when I do fall sick, it happens usually during the weekends or a long holiday like right now. Mind over matter. That's what I tell myself when I refuse to give in to my `helpless' condition.. If not I'd not be able to get things done. Yet of course our body needs to rest. Needs to heal. So rest we must.. and with that, I bid farewell for a while until I get back to my normal self. Abdullah r.a berkata, Rasulullah bersabda: “ tidak ada seorang muslim yang ditimpa cubaan berupa sakit dan sebagainya melainkan dihapuskan Allah taala dosa-dosanya seperti pohon kayu menggugurkan daunnya.” God willing.

1 Muharram 1432H a new day. a new year. Happy New Year! A time to: Reflect on past behaviours and seek better ways to be better.. =)

Am sitting in front of my sister's laptop at my parents' house. Blessed am I that my parents live only about 30 minutes away from my place (20 on days with less traffic). This means I should have no excuse not to see them. Once a week. That's the most I can do actually, which is good enough. Decided to sleep over here last night since I missed seeing them last week. Kinda like catching up on lost time. :) A good idea I must say cuz so far we've had dinner and breakfast together.. after this, lunch! No matter how old you get, going back to your home that once was.. is still the ultimate joy. Having had the privilege of being raised in several homes, I will always remember the places I grew up in. Passed one of those places yesterday and it brought me back to a time when I was carefree and well.. young! Kinda feel sad that the house where I was born in has been sold- my grandmother's house. I guess when my late grandma started living with her children, no one was able...

As one who teaches English, I try to avoid speaking in Malay with students. I would say that 99.9% of the time, English is used in any lesson or conversation. It should be 100%, really. On VERY rare occasions I use Malay, purposefully, to get a point across, and this in turn leads to peals of laughter from students. Somehow that makes me feel embarassed. Like I've done something wrong. Or funny. Not. But hey, I can speak in Malay of course, and they must surely know that that's the lingo used when not in teaching mode... Anyway, as English has been such a big part in my life.. (I was already speaking fluent English since I was 4 and with a hint of British accent too!) and has been the reason why I went into teaching, I sometimes feel guilty of not enriching my Bahasa as well. I have not read a Malay novel since Form 5, I think! I read English newspapers. Listen to English speaking radio channels. Watch English movies. Buy English novels. Even cook western food more than Malaysi...

45 minutes is how long it takes to bake a simple chocolate cake. I have always loved baking. I think this passion I have for food started very early on in my life.. like when I was 4 or 5.. My mum told me one day I came back from school and was proud to announce that `I had seconds' - the school that I went to served free lunch and I actually asked for another round of whatever it is they were serving.. :) Maybe it was the dessert. Ok, this has no relevance to baking but it shows how I loved eating.. and still do.. Desserts are my weakness. So I guess that's why I enjoy making them and eating them. Anyway I just baked a cake. Well almost.. After preparing the batter for a simple chocolate cake I set the timer to 45 minutes.. And instead of seeing a perfectly shaped cake in the oven after 45 minutes passed by, I was greeted by a flat one! The oven was switched off! By me of course accidentally.. And now I have to wait for another 45 minutes... :( While we're waiting.. let...

"In times of great stress or adversity, it's always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive" Am aware of the levels of stress currently flowing through the lives of a lot of people I know, students and colleagues. But what is life if it is stress free? “You never will be the person you can be if pressure, tension and discipline are taken out of your life.” It is there to teach you about perseverance and patience. About managing time and about leading an orderly life. It also makes you be on your toes and not let your mind go idle.. So take it in with stride and guts and with a sane mind. InsyaAllah, even if stress is overpowering you, you'll be able to handle it well.. “Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.”

About 12 hours ago I acted on impulse and left 16 boys without a lesson. Were my actions acceptable? Maybe. Hopefully so. It's funny when a person gets angry, it only leaves them feeling worse. But I hope that my actions also left an impact on them so that they will understand the heart of the matter - which is to treat my class with respect and not take it for granted. Will this happen again? Hopefully not. Just remember to tread carefully in the future my dears and know that our intentions are good for we only mean to lead you in the right direction..

I am dedicating this post to a certain someone who at the moment is a little bit of a lonely soul (you know who you are..) From an NST article (Do all of us have soul mates?) I read yesterday it said that: `Humans are made up of four arms, four legs and a single head made up of two faces, but they are split in half and condemned to spend the rest of their lives searching for the other half. If and when one half meets the other, the pair would be swept away by feelings of love, friendship and intimacy' But it also said that: ' As much as the soul mate mythology sounds promising.. beware of clinging to ideals' 'Often times it's used as a form of escapism. When people are down and out, they cling to the hope that there is one person in the world who will sweep them away from all their sorrows and problems' Among others it also claimed that: 'Hollywood has created ideas which cause us to be disillusioned. Movies, books and song lyrics have created this notion th...

1 . The day of rest 2.The day I try and get a lot of things done (laundry, cleaning, office work) 3. The day to cook. (lasagna today) 4. The day for family. 5. The day for cycling! 6. The day for some peace of mind before a busy week ahead. 7. The day to give the cats a bath. I'm doing all of the above accept for maybe no. 2.. and of course no. 5 :( .. But I guess, at least being in the comfort of your own home is already considered `resting' even if I'm trying to squeeze so much amount of unfinished work.. At least today I finally managed to do no. 7 and they all now smell like babies.. thanks to the baby powder scent of the shampoo ;) Usually I start with the m ost scarediest cat of all - Hiro. This one is fiesty and grumbles throughout. Just now he tried to attack the water coming out of the shower.. Even though I dry them with a towel, they have to dry themselves again. Naturally they do this by licking themselves. I have some lazy ones like Hiro who prefers to sit s...

I consider myself moderately tech savvy.. so when Wawa introduced me to WhatsApp I immediately downloaded it on my phone and in less than a month, we have been communicating almost everyday. This I think is amazing considering she's in London and me here in KL.. It is like ym or any other chatting device but.. the fact that it's so instant like an sms-chat-like app makes it cool.. Cuz it all happens through our phones and we can be anywhere to do this.. So far exchanges have been in the form of audio notes and pics plus videos (only frm Wawa).. Personally love the audio note cuz sometimes recording your message is more fun than typing it! ;) Ok.. maybe I'm still `jakun' .. but this goes to show you what technology does to let people `connect' with each other.. absence makes the heart grow fonder indeed, but it also brings people closer together - with the help of an application, a suitable phone plus internet connection.. :D ps/ it's fast cuz you also don't ...

Once a week in my oh so busy life I get to spend time with nature and my bike. A lot of my friends (who've known me for a while) are finding the fact that me, nature and a bike are not really a likely combination.. ok, make that me + sports, especially a mountain bike.. The fact that I was never the sporty kind must be the reason why.. I have a rather interesting past when it comes to sports.. But that's a story for another time.. Back to me, nature and my mountain bike - a Scott Contessa.. :).. Well, it was a birthday present from dearest hubby - which came 2 months before my actual birthday. All in the spirit of wanting me to spend time with him when he went cycling.. bless him :D.. Mind you, I was not without my doubts.. I was like, are you sure you want to get me a bike? I said, why not just a handbag.. I seriously couldn't believe me going into something I saw (at that time) as an extreme sport.. But with some coaxing I caved in and could not refuse such a special gift...

I'm always amazed at some blogs I read.. especially those that make me feel all warm inside or make me reflect on things being said.. I suppose bloggers all have the same trait.. they're all generally `thinkers'. They pour out their hearts (some bloggers) and most importantly draw upon issues that strike a chord.. This all will not surface if they were not putting deep thought into it.. Hence, thinkers they are.. -Thinkers= an IB Learner Profile-

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Absence I think also can make people forget. Technology may connect people much faster and easier these days but in some cases it is not to be. This I suppose is one of my laments of the `sweeteners' I mentioned in my previous post, who have gone off and built a nest elsewhere.. and may have forgotten me.. They don't send postcards.. , write messages on facebook.. or find me on ym.. :( Back in my student days, people took the trouble to WRITE to each other - like with pen and paper.. send an occasional postcard or greeting card.. Getting something in the mail was such a JOY... and the process of it all.. i mean, I so enjoyed writing.. I was one of those people who could write pages and pages of letters.. I hope I told good stories.. ;) Times have changed and people just write short messages on facebook or rely on skype to communicate. No letters or aerograms.. People are losing out on the pleasure of holding a letter in their hands.. the fun...

When I was about 9 or 10 (I think) I always `role-played'.. For some reason, I was always a career woman - a teacher! with a baby and husband to go back to.. In my role play of course the hubby was imaginary, but the baby was played by my most cherished teddy bear.. (I wonder where it is now..) Reflecting back on this, I suppose the role I had for myself was what I saw my own mother doing.. Flash forward 25 years later.. here I am, a married, career woman - minus the kids. I guess I should be grateful that 90% of my vision has come true despite desperately wanting the remaining 10 to appear.. While listening to the radio on my way to work today something hit a chord in me. A guest speaker said that one will never know the sweetness of life until they have a child, and one will not be able to appreciate the sweetness of time when they have children.. Does this mean that I have only been tasting one kind of sweetness? Of course I can only imagine how life would be for me if the table...

sometimes, just because we never look, it doesn't mean we never see just because we don't hear, it doesn't mean we never listen just because we never say it, it doesn't mean we don't care.. but the truth of the matter is, sometimes, it's better to show that you do see and listen and that you do care. . Tell someone you care for them, before it's too late..

How long does it take one to form a connection with another person? Some people may take days, months or even years.. some just minutes.. (probably) In my line of work, connecting with people around me may come naturally but then again, after a decade of teaching I do find that there are still some relationships (with students) that need to be worked on. It is really impossible to `connect' with everyone and to those few that I do click with.. well, that I call chemistry.. :) Anyway, in these recent months I've acquired new friends through the sharing of the same hobby.. Maybe it's because we meet up only for that purpose, so it bugs me that I run out of things to say when we hang out. I mean, is that all we have in common? Our passion for cycling..? Or have I gone out of practice when it comes to making friends.. I once read an article about meeting up with old friends. The sad truth that it revealed is that when you finally meet old friends again after 2 decades, you jus...

After a few months of dry spells, Alhamdulillah rain has taken its place.. So far I think it's been pouring everyday.. From where I stay this usually means the house will get cooler - air-cond like, and the cats who seem to enjoy the coolness (i think) curl up on the dinner table - huddling together to be more specific, just to keep warm.. They really are a sight for sore eyes.. :) Ironically these past few days, there's been no water- on and off, at the workplace and boy is it difficult when there's no water.. Maybe worse than no electricity.. When I was in boarding school many years ago, we had moments of no water now and then and this meant walking around the school compound looking for possible sources of water - like in the toilet at the academic area etc.. Once we had to take water from a little waterfall behind our hostel- that was precious... There was also a time when we waited for the rain to fall - it was heavy rain at the time, and we put our pails ...

This will be short as I'm not really supposed to stay away from the `rendang'.. ;) But before I stay away from my blog for too long.. I thought I'd add in a new post particularly on my current thoughts - RAYA! This year it's `my turn' for the first day.. and as usual, my role will be to help mum in the kitchen.. Apart from raya cookies which I can never stay away from, the part where I get to spend time cooking with my mum is definitely the moment I love the most about raya. I thank God my mum is still strong and healthy at 67.. As most mum's are.. she whips up the best meal.. and she's just the best! I hope I can be like that too one day. Almost there maybe! ;) I hope that I too get to spend time in the kitchen with my children and I hope that they love those moments and cherish it.. The festive season is truly a joyous one.. but let us not forget those who are not able to be with their loved ones, or even may not have a home to go back to.. May Allah bless...

I was asked that question just now by a friend who was waiting anxiously for her husband to wake up from a coma. At that time he had been unconscious for almost 24 hours. With a blood clot in his head and some broken ribs and bones one cannot really say.. Doctors said not to put on any hopes. They also DIDN'T say he had no hope and neither did they say that there was.. Tricky situation. I answered, `Yes, they can happen'. God willing. Everyone dreads losing the one you love. I must admit it crosses my mind. Not because I want it to happen. But more because I am afraid of if it happens and also because you don't know how/when it will happen. I wrote about death before in here and so am not trying to repeat myself .. Yet I believe deep down everyone knows it will happen to them one day. It's just that not knowing when is what scares you most. Or maybe, knowing when, can also scare you. I can't stop thinking about what my friend was saying just now in between her tear...

4 days was all it could take me to stay away from facebook. I should have gone cold turkey for 7 days.. So, I cheated. I finally succumbed to my need to log in after realizing that there were people I couldn't get hold of without fb.. Which meant that the usual mode of communication - the handphone- was not so reliable in some cases.. What I observed of myself in the 4 days: 1. I was thinking about it everyday 2. I was listening to `facebook conversations' from others around me.. not because I wanted to but that's what almost everyone around me were doing 3. In my free time (that was usually used to go on fb): a) I played games on my mobile - i RARELY do this, b) I did housework I'd normally put off till later.. (bad..), c) I got to sit down and focus on hubby/myself/ the house/the cats/ life.. 4. I was also worried cuz I couldn't send messages/ wished ppl birthdays cuz i wasn't online.. Conclusion: I am an avid user . (a positive word than `addict') The ...